For the longest time

It has been some time since i wrote anything on this silly, for-my-own-amusement blog i created years ago. Frankly its because i couldn't be bothered to write anything. Didn't find the purpose, the motivation, the "me" to put anything down on an empty piece of sheet on my 17" laptop screen.
Even right at this very second after whats confessed above, i don't know what else to continue writing about. Well, guess i don't know where to start since i don't even remember the day i last wrote on my blog. Maybe tomorrow i'll figure out how to make it up to my blog by filling in the missing details of my past days......or months. Maybe even for the past year.

simple feelings

holding on
every breathe that's taken

fighting on
every obstacle ahead

breaking down
every tear that's shed

burning out
every second in time

preserving
every moment, past and present

hoping on
every love given away

waiting on
every pain to go away

A calm night turned chaos

27th October 2014

As i was driving home from Straits Quay, i got into an accident. It happened but everything still seems slightly a blur to me. But i know it happened. The first accident in 23 years. The experience jolted me, still feeling numb from it. Although i am not injured, but it has effected me mentally. Driving the car to the workshop today, i noticed my hands were shaking. I couldn't sleep last night, despite how i exhausted i was. Lets just say the experience isn't a pleasant one. I called Shen to help me out last night as i was in shock and in a blur of not knowing what to do next. When he dropped me home, i cried as i was heading up towards my apartment. I just broke down. Anything could have happened during the incident, anything...I am glad to be in one piece still. My hands still feel heavy whenever i place it on a steering wheel. The shock overwhelmed me. I couldn't call my dad last night because i was afraid he might get too worried (as my family have always been especially when it came to me-more so than my brother). As i cried my way up all i could think of was to call Jason and talk to him about how i'm feeling. I called but there was no pick-up. So that's that. 

Tuedsay

Today is Tuesday, nothing much about it actually.
Just another usual day, same ol' routine. Work
Mum asked me if i wanted to head back to Melbourne before my brother comes back. Just to have fun and enjoy myself. But i thought to myself, is there a point?
I have been in Melbourne for 6 years, i think that is more than enough. I have seen enough of Melbourne, nothing there intrigues me anymore.
I'd like to travel to Bali, or Hawaii, or even Fiji. Where there is beach.
I love the beach, no other place on this earth will make me feel as calm or as at ease than the beach.
There is just this connection i feel with the ocean. It soothes my mind and my body.
I'll stop and not think too much about my days.
Guess my great escape would be by a beach, just anywhere in this world, as long as its the beach.

Perhaps this is all because i am an Aquarius, the water barrier.
I love it. 

its all a blur

lately i find it extremely difficult to express my feelings. There is so much inside, everything is a mess. Wanting to let it all out, but i can't, something stops me from doing so. This shouldn't be something new to me because i have always been bottling up my feelings and thoughts. Its different now, i feel that a part of me has changed but i can't pin-point which. I am lost within my own worlds that's already lost. I keep telling myself everyday to think more of the future rather than the present. People say live now, worry later. I worry now rather. I used to be able to go about days not thinking of anyone. Was able to do my own thing, couldn't give a care, being oblivious to my affections towards others. Let me just sum it up, now i feel fucked. I feel like a pin-ball table, just bouncing off things, not knowing which exact direction to head towards. I have goals and i have dreams. I have determination but, what the fuck mich, how did i get this way? What caused all this? Is it possible to choose not to feel? Especially if you are born an emotional being. I could walk the talk during the old days, now....i still can, but my approach to everything is so different, even to my own self, sometimes i don't recognize myself in the mirror.

(i have fallen in love in the worst way, no words can describe how this happened, bitch)

Shameful addiction

This feeling is strong
I think I'm hooked on this love
It's like a powerful drug
Just can't get enough of
I'm losing control
Someone come get me out now
Cause it's pulling me hard
It's pulling so strong
I can't help but follow
Oh dear, I'm going wild
I got to hold on
Shame on me I know
Shame on me for loving you
Now I can't live without you
I'mma raise hell till the very end
Go ahead
Go ahead
That's what I will do
Cause I'm addicted to you.

Sweet revenge

Thirsty for drinks
Wasted, shit faced
Can't stop
Won't stop

Go out
Or go home
Cheers to that
Friends, so long

Boiling blood
To the core
Scream and shout
No one knows

Revenge sounds sweet
Sweetest of all

Demons and angels

Cold as ice
Once I was told,
Frozen soul
And broken bones

Bite down on these scars
Blood flows
Break these walls
Watch them crumble
Light up and burn
Rebirth

Evolution
No containment
We be animals
Demons and angels

broken

it was tragic
The tragedy of love

write it in words

hoped for something
motivated by feeling
pushed by gravity
fallen from grace
woke up in reality

shut it down
turn it back up
tear it down
build that pain

breathe in
breathe out
closed eyes
no blue sky
no light
no more fights

strangled, pushed, shoved, shaken
disintegrated

Finding love, the Disney way.

Disney romantic animated short film

This is a animated short film "PAPERMAN" about finding love, by none other than Disney. Romantic, adorable, quirky, fun, creative. Disney never cease to amaze. The magical moments in life at times you thought were gone, then it comes back whenever you come across a production by Disney. Just when you want to believe those magical moments exist. Priceless. Unforgettable. Truly Inspirational. A tribute to Love.

The Man

For years you have sheltered me
From harm in this society
You nurtured me with your soul, your words
Understood your goals
You are my teacher and guardian
You taught me to see wonders
And to explore
There were hard times and there are still
But i learnt from you that defeat is
not an issue
Get up, stand tall, keep trying
Believe that one day
The world will be in my hands
Possibilities are made
I owe you my life if not my children's
Because i know you will love them the way you love me
Or better yet
More
Forever and always i am in dept to you
Without you, there cannot be a me of today

I love you dad
You are and will always be
The Man to me

sometimes, things just stop moving

been cheated on

grabbed dinner
'avacado chicken'







there is no avacado.......

Blossom

You are a rebel at heart,
And we know it well.
you are not a rebel without a cause,
you are the rebel fighting for one.

Athena, you are.
Strong,
Loyal ...... and
Beautiful.

Your laughter reigns upon us all,
Showing the beauty we all adore.
Your the diamond that we've found.
You are unique and profound.

You have blossomed...our lovely



...beautiful flower...

fash...