its all a blur

lately i find it extremely difficult to express my feelings. There is so much inside, everything is a mess. Wanting to let it all out, but i can't, something stops me from doing so. This shouldn't be something new to me because i have always been bottling up my feelings and thoughts. Its different now, i feel that a part of me has changed but i can't pin-point which. I am lost within my own worlds that's already lost. I keep telling myself everyday to think more of the future rather than the present. People say live now, worry later. I worry now rather. I used to be able to go about days not thinking of anyone. Was able to do my own thing, couldn't give a care, being oblivious to my affections towards others. Let me just sum it up, now i feel fucked. I feel like a pin-ball table, just bouncing off things, not knowing which exact direction to head towards. I have goals and i have dreams. I have determination but, what the fuck mich, how did i get this way? What caused all this? Is it possible to choose not to feel? Especially if you are born an emotional being. I could walk the talk during the old days, now....i still can, but my approach to everything is so different, even to my own self, sometimes i don't recognize myself in the mirror.

(i have fallen in love in the worst way, no words can describe how this happened, bitch)