you

you ignore my silent stares
so i swallow down my pride
as i wait along these lonely steps
for another soul swept tide

you seem to be my only cure
it's funny how i can't adjourn
i'm out of reach from your attention
i'm out of sight, i feel the pressure

you were my soul, you owned my will
you faded out along my view
you pull the string that's round my heal
i trip and fell on top of the cunning you

i cry, you cry,
we end up with these shadowy strides
we press against our own found will
and we hold on tight to our favorite feels

i cry, you cry,
i tried, you tried,
we seem to have our own defences
we kept our own good distances

we promise not to tell out lies
as we sway along these plastered sights
and we hold on to our kites
like there's just no tomorrow's light

penang, call it your home

i miss the ever-lasting intensive, trashy, beachy-gurney drive scent of Penang,
the place that i believe deserves to be called a home forever.
not because of the mouth watering sensations of good polluted hawker feasts,
or the unsatisfied judgments of the state laws, hung around our necks invisibly without any trace of notice.
it is the sense of knowing that i belong to such a sight for sore-eyes yet respectably loved place, so small an island it is and will be, lights up my soul with great joy and satisfaction of welcoming family and high-heaven admiration of dear friends to continue a tradition of craze and random slobbery conversations.
i am already missing you, home...
promise that you will never leave my sight, nor will you forget my existence,
because i in return will do no such vile, negative actions nor persuade such thoughts into my consciously vivid mind.
because i promise that i too will return for your loving affection and precious present friendships.
this isn't a decision of forgiveness,
it is a willing acceptance of your ugliness.
don't ever change, because if you do, i might never return the favor of heartfelt gratitude towards your undying comfort.

summer, leave us alone

people buy icy polls for storage

in case of an extreme hot summer at home and they'll get to suck on one whilst

watching television.

kev and i bought icy polls.

we planned on keeping it at the apartment

and only to have them when we feel the immense heat wave

but plans aren't meant to work out a 100% right?

walking outta QV,

not long after we left safe way with the icy polls

decided to just grab one out to reduce the heat wave blown right at us on the streets

the closer we are to the apartment

that faster the icy polls disappeared

kev had 4

i had 2

it is hot

and we wanna chill

resemblance alert

was just walking round gurney one time
running errands and stuff
all of a sudden, as i walked past the side entrance (where all the coffee shops are)
i thought i saw yoo chun for a moment there!
and i said "hold up...." i turned around, went for a better glimpse at the guy
and OH MY GOD! this dude, was hotter than yoo chun
younger, cuter, better bod, the exact sweet smile and curly hair!
and he's malaysian!, holy cow!
i thought i had died and gone to heaven...
this guy looks so charming. (how the hell do i not know him?!!)
i can't get his image outta my head!
God, why didn't i get his number? (idiot!)
i won't mind if we're just friends
i mean, starring at him is like, starring at the gates of paradise..
oh boy, i'm melting...arggh...
i do hope i'd see him again. this time, maybe have the guts to ask him for his number (just as friends, lol)

square root of three

I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

quote:

oh how i miss your sense of compassion
it seems almost deadly to fall for your seduction

drowned in all the tears

people say, to be able to love, is a gift
to be loved in return, is an even greater gift, it is a blessing upon us all
people embrace love, share love...
but i am afraid of love.
i hide myself behind the shadows and i linger on as though there isn't a purpose in life.
i try so hard to let go of love, that i occupy myself with unnecessary work load so that i can forget the feeling, and hope that it can just slip out of my mind.
it's easy to like someone, and to have someone like you.
but if you love someone, you tend to wonder if that person will love you back
you go back and forth, waiting up during sleepless nights, just for an answer.
and the longer you wait, the heavier your heart feels
the burden you bare alone, the tears that have been shed
it drowns all your emotions, leaving nothing behind.
love is like a soul sucking monster, it can consume you for a lifetime.
and sadly it has done so to me.
i tell myself, that i want to turn back time, but i know i can't...

dined so fine

went out for a dinner just now, just with close family friends
though still picked the same restaurant, StarView.
i swear, i'm gonna be sick of this place..:S

anyway, we had good talks, fun conversations.
i'm surprised the convos weren't as dry as they used to be usually.
maybe cuz i had wine, but i doubt that's the reason.

me and my dad had fun with the food..heh
yes, my dad too. XD

there was lobster and the head of the lobster was used as part of the presentation of the dish.
and this is what happened when wong and wong junior tries to be fun and stupid

"peace bro, i'm high!" says lobster

what was surprising to me was that carmen's back from singapore.
only for 3 days though, then she's gotta get back for her school lessons (she ponteng lah)
but who cares, it's gonna be CNY, give us kids a break.
she seemed a bit too dressed for today's occasion, but so was i. lol
we get along well, she's my god sister anyway. why shouldn't we? :D

we had a great night tonight (thought it was gonna be catastrophic).

reality be gone

have you ever had that feeling,
that unquenchable thirst for truth...
the untouchable thoughts of the one you care most of...
the never ending tug-of-war between love and hate...
have you felt that before?

i wish you'd say you have.
but the fact is you haven't.
not because you can't, but because you won't...

insomnia, self-rejection, depression, these are only but the means of ways in relieving such feelings and thoughts...but never to become solutions in one's survival.

i've been waiting so long, i feel as if though i've been condemned to an endless torture.
and for what?
to seek forgiveness......or to forgive?
all this while, i've never known what i've done wrong, but only know what i have done.
but it seems that it is never enough to our own expectations.
not to mine at the least...

i see the very end of the path, and yet i'm stuck right in between.
i can't go back, and i can't move forward......is this punishment?!
is this damnation?!
if so, please i beg of you,
save me from the sorrows and end this miserable life!
drive a burning stake through my cold crystal heart!
shatter it so that it can never be mended!

i'm done with listening...through with keeping God damned secrets!
i've had enough, and i've given enough!
it's time i get something in return......
i'm sick of listening to all the lies we tell each other
sick of reality!
oh how i crave a dream that is mine to live
a world that exist only to those who believe in it so dearly...

surrounded by science and logic they say, it sickens me to the very core of my soul!
what does science and logic have to do with the gift He has given us?
can science heal a broken soul?
can logic defeat the ongoing fear of survival?
how dare we become gods ourselves?! humanity has become nothing but of pity and sinful!

21st of Jan

want to know what happened on this day?
nothing...
absolutely NOTHING! know why?
cause i've been dumped with the responsibility of looking after the shop while daddy and mommy goes to KL.
went to bed around 2:00a.m. and got up at 8:30a.m. Got everything packed (laptop, ipod, novel, sketch book, etc.)and left the house at 9:30a.m.
Usually i'd be pissed waking up during such an early time with errands to run late in the afternoon.
But instead i was quite satisfied with the morning, cause i got to drive around, (though not to the complex but good enough).
Unfortunately, i was still passing through a mist of complete boredom and an unfunded voluntary 12hr job sitting on my gluteus maximus!
yes, i used the word "gluteus maximus"...on very rare occasions where you'd hear me use that term.
By the way, i'm addicted to pictionary on facebook, well it's not particularly pictionary but something like it. It's called the sketching game or something whatever. It is an intense game, seriously. Playing it is like smoking weed, YOU CAN'T STOP!
lol, anyway...
tomorrow, i'm going off to the complex!
got a friend who's been wanting to hang out for quite sometime, since her timetable didn't really suit mine, (that was the trouble). Tomorrow's the only time she can i guess. I miss her anyway, good friend of mine.
Oh well, another day passing by...weeeee........................

the thought of our existence

pondering along the emptiness of affection,
kills the inner sense of belonging;
we wait for the moment in life to mend our broken past,
as we unconsciously give way to others
who show compassion or contempt towards our mistakes.

as time passes ignorantly,
only forgiveness lays a transparent coat of relief and chance,
onto those who's choices condemned them against their fates
and the will to attract their own beliefs

we are given a present,
so we can find our redemption
to accept whats yet to approach us,
and to leave behind what needs to be forgotten

learning to survive is a skill
that we as humans hold so dearly
but sometimes misused, when confronted with greed
for wealth, affection, and status above all others

our emotions are toyed with,
even as we pretend to feel safe and loved.
we cover ourselves with lies,
so that we find the truths within each other.

we are merely men who crave the light,
but at times chooses to dwell in the dark;
because we are caught between worlds that neither of us can imagine,
nor fear as we so strongly insist on...

Nightminds

This has got to be my ultimately song lyrics!

*Just lay it all down.
Put your face into my neck and let it fall out.
I know, I know ,I know. I knew before you got home.
This world you're in now,
it doesn't have to be alone,
I'll get there somehow, 'cos
I know I know I know
when, even springtime feels cold.

But I will learn to breathe this ugliness you see
so we can both be there and we can both share the dark.
And in our honesty, together we will rise,
out of our nightminds, and into the light
at the end of the fight...

You were blessed by
a different kind of inner view: it's all magnified.
The highs will make you fly,
but the lows make you want to die.
And I was once there,
hanging from that very ledge where you are standing.
So I know, I know, I know,
it's easier to let go.

But I will learn to breathe this ugliness you see,
so we can both be there and we can both share the dark.
And in our honesty, together we will rise out of our nightminds
and into the light at the end of the fight.

...and in our honesty, together we will rise out of our nightminds
and into the light... at the end of their fight...*

blinded

Was it the night... or day?

The beating of my fatal heart.
The deadly touch
that broke me from my will...

What was it...
that swept me off my feet from the ground...?

The cold air that i breath in, every moment we're apart?
The sound of my own voice,
that tells me what i want?
Or......
was it the warmth that i felt from his arms...
The sultry sound of his voice
that mesmerizes me, as i walked down those steps,
hoping that i won't fall?

Thinking it was love i found.
Believing that i too belong
...to someone.
But as the night faded away,
the day came along,
took away my push and thrust for that very last risk i aimed for.
......
I was losing it all...



or was it lost before i even knew...

a sunday morning in jan

my sunday's are usually revolved around by "yum cha" with my family, consisting of only 5, 4 if my brother isn't with us.
pretty much a usual "yum cha" like almost every other proudly asian families, but only with the occasional order of 16-20 dishes of "dim sum."
I consider that my brunch, 16-20 dishes, you get the idea.
But what was different about this particular sunday morning that i'm writing about on my blog, is that i went to a function called "GEORGETOWN TAPAK WARISAN DUNIA UNESCO."



Basically, just an event where people come along to check out some stuff. There were art works for sale, little gimmicks, cute creations like small key chains that you can even request for your initials to be placed in the key chain, stuff that attracts tourist, since the idea's founded and funded by E&O Hotel.
I really liked it there today, it was good. Found some great stuff, i just found out that there are galleries in penang *SHOCK*. I spotted a really good art work, i wanted to get it but shit, it's up for RM1000! yes, RM1000!
So i didn't get the art work, decided that it isn't necessary. But i did get things, some bookmarks, uh...key chains...that's bout it.
My mom, bought this really weird....thing. It's like a paddle-ball, only where you don't hit the ball with the paddle. There's chickens on it (wood carved) and there's a ball tied with string that are attached to the chickens head and wen the ball spins round, the string are pulled, thus creating a "pecking" effect for the chicks. My reaction to this, childlike wonder joys! I laugh at myself. I was so amused by this thing, I seemed almost ridiculous in public.....
Mom also got a, basil plant and sim bought her rosemary plant. We finally have our own herbs to grow at home! No more herb-hunting with mom!
The best part of this event was that there were little kids performing, two kids on the violin playing the "riverdance" song!(awesome), a girl and a young boy singing ABBA songs, someone singing "love song" by sara bareilles, and one guy with a really good voice! not too sure about the title of the song he sang, but he did a good job! Too bad, i didn't get a chance to meet him.
So all and all it was a fun sunday morning. Definitely not MY average sunday morning.

FREEDOM AT LAST!

Yesterday was pretty much "THE DAY" of all days for the start of this awesome week! and you know why? CAUSE I PASSED MY BLOODY DRIVING TEST!
Been having my driving lessons since I got back in pg for my summer holidays. Everything was good, smooth, no stress no tension. The lessons were good and I am glad that I took the time to attend these lessons, cause let me tell ya, it is so true when they say "Practice Makes Perfect!"
But as the days were getting closer to the test date, I dare say that I was worried that I am not gonna be able to pass this test. Then again, I thought to myself, if i can't get through this, I can be the ONLY LOSER in this family, cause we've got high expectation, no kidding (you'll know when you live with us for about half a year). So, yesterday, i got up, got ready, got picked up (ignore the "got" i put in so often :D), got to the driving school (waited for 2 hours to get picked up to Butterworth), finally got to Butterworth around 10.15am or so.
When i got there, i got a grip of myself and said :"It's cool Mich, I can do this, I can pass this!" and BOOM!! SIGNED MY WAY TO FREEDOM AS SOON AS I GOT THE RESULTS BACK!
Now i just have to wait about 6 to 7 days before i get my "P" Lisence!
LET THE DRIVING BEGIN SOON BABY! XD

think twice

people always ask "Are you afraid to die?"
But the real question is "Are you afraid to LIVE?"
because there are worst things in life than death itself.

To escape the truth, we have chosen to live in the dark, to be non-existing, anonymous, lost, in hope of one day, someone will take up our responsibilities and thus we will roam free without blame.
But how is that so when we are given a life and yet we put it to waste and leave it to others to carry our burden? Will we not be punished? Will God not see the truth behind our intentions? We may be blinded by our greed, but God isn't.
There are always consequences to our doings. We can never escape punishment or exile. So if you ever think of doing so, think again. Because i promise, you will regret it.

Remember this always, responsibilities can be forgotten. But the guilt stays on, and you will have to pay for you wrongs.
Being alive would just be the same as living in hell.

ye bit of hope...

"Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet. To make all your friends feel that there is something in them. To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. To think only of the best, to work only for the best and expect only the best. To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own. To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to greater achievements of the future. To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile. To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. To be too large for fear and too happy to permit the presence of trouble." Christian D. Larson

if only life itself were to be that easy...but it isn't.
This is just a hope, that little spark in all our hearts that somehow never gets brighter.
But as humans, we need hope.
Having hope is to have the will to survive.

do enjoy this!
because it is hilarious