damaged void

you became my friend, then my lover
but you forced me to be a friend,
only this time, a friend with benefits.
it's difficult to not look at you straight in the eye,
and say "i want you. only be mine."
at the very start of each conversations,
i try my best to not choke while i gasp for air
so that i will have the courage to even say this simple word "Hi"
a forceful smile is hung upon my fractured face
to please you, to hide the damages inflicted within
i feel this void, this...enormous void.
i wonder if you've ever felt that before, even for just a split second
it would please me so to know,
that even you,
THE YOU,
will have a place for me in your crumpled heart.
I still feel the burn whenever you ask me
it's not a heart burn i feel,
more like a constant stab with a heated blade,
slowly stinging
my hearts half full you know
half filled with lies mixed in childlike fantasies
what use is a damaged soul